It done broke down….

So as you might have guessed, things kind of came to a screeching halt here in Appleland, self responsible. You see, over the last couple of months I’ve learned a lot about myself. I’ve learned that I’m the only person that can make me happy- and that I should love me first and foremost. And with that being said, SMF and I broke up. And I have nothing bad to say about it, except that sometimes things don’t work out like you might have thought they would. And everyone deserves to be adored and prioritized and loved. SMF and I had a lot of fun together and were (might possibly one day still be) great friends. In fact, he was probably one of my very best friends. But in the end, I just wanted what everyone seems to want- I wanted to be wanted.

And it’s okay and it’s really no one’s fault. I’m sure we’ll still see each other and really I have no bad feelings toward him. I mean, we share the exact same friend group. And while part of me wanted to crawl up into a bubble bath with a bottle of wine and listen to sad music- the other part of me has decided that life is too short. Because if one thing’s for certain- life goes on.

Life just shouldn’t be so complicated sometimes, and that’s probably the most important thing I’ve learned over the last six months. And I kind of admit that it’s hard to write this post, but getting it out there and just putting it in writing and moving forward has made all the difference. Wow! I bet I weigh 10 pounds less- because my shoulders feel great! Anywho- no need to ask how SMF is anymore. Because in my mind, he’s doing fine, and is probably much happier as well. And I WANT him to be happy.

But enough with the depressing, slit my wrist, teenager angst. On to happier things- like FREAKING CHRISTMAS IS 22 DAYS AWAY! YAY! Frank has demolished my Christmas tree. Tucker has demolished my manger scene. It’s a regular merry freaking Christmas around my house, let me tell ya!

At least someone’s in the Christmas spirit around here…

Fat Tucker likes to sleep in the manger with baby Jesus. Unfortunately, a 23 pound cat and a 1 pound manger scene don’t go together. I like to think Tucker feels closer to God this way:

Dear Baby Jesus, my owner is nuts.

See that triangle-ish thing behind his head? THAT folks, is the manger scene. He also likes the snowmen. I mean, my Charlie Brown Christmas decorations are a total hit with the cats. The humans? Not so much….

I am fat. I make out with snowmen for fun. Do not tell anyone that the snowmen are not real.

And in case you were wondering:

 

Christmas Ornaments: 0

Frank: 14

Christmas Tree Fail. Frank Responsible.

Thanks for taking the tree down Frank. Unfortunately, your services are not needed for another month.

Charlie Brown Christmas…..

I never thought it was such a bad little tree. It’s not bad at all, really. Maybe it just needs a little love. -Charlie Brown

Hello there. Here I am. Now with extra Holiday! Cheer! I’ve got Christmas lights coming out of my ass!! I’m so freaking happy about it! I feel like Charlie Brown. I do love Christmas. Don’t get me wrong. It’s just the 1) Getting shit out of the closet 2) fluffing the tree (whoever invented this should be shot, immediately) and 3) putting the lights on said tree that drives me completely insane. But last night, I decided, with some wine, to go ahead and tackle the monster. And while all was not Holy and Bright in my apartment during the event, there is one demon who 100% appreciates the newly acquired forest of fun he now has to play in:

Meet Frank, Master of breaking Christmas ornaments....

Wait? You couldn’t find Frank in the picture? Really? Look closer. Notice how my Charlie Brown Christmas tree has many different strings of lights- some with green strings, and some with white. I like to call this my version of a “white trash Christmas.” (In the meantime, my constant obsession with teaching my dog to bark ‘Grandma got run over by a reindeer” is on hold.) Also notice there is no tree skirt. (Just a blanket from Walmart.) Do you want to know why?

Well I don’t care if you want to know or not- but last year, the beast known as Mr. Fat ass Tucker cat peed on it. He said Merry F’ing Christmas to all of you, assholes- I’m going to pee on your presents. And if you don’t like it? I don’t care. I’ll be long gone hiding under the bed by the time you get a whiff of my present to you. (On a side note, my cat does not drink ammonia, so why does his pee smell like it?) So the tree skirt is taking an extended vacation at the city dump.

It’s sure to be an interesting holiday season around my abode. So far, the tally is:

Christmas Ornaments: 0

Frank: 2

MERRRRRRRRRY THANKSGIVING!

I love work. Worky work work. Here it goes down. Into my belly.

So, I’ve been working and stuff (IMAGINE! THE HORROR!) and haven’t really had time to update, but guess what? I’m probably the lamest person on the Planet of Lame these days, so it’s probably a good thing for you!  (Except fo the wine. The wine makes me 10 X less lame. Unfortunately drinking with with your cat named Frank is not really something my therapist would say is ‘normal.’)

However, I happened to stumble upon the following site this morning:

http://psychoticlettersfrommen.blogspot.com/

Holy Shit Batman! You have to check it out. Hiiiiilarious. ALSO, my favoritest favorite blogger of all time is BACK and I heart her. She is the. funniest. person. ever. FO EVA EVA.

www.missdoxie.com

Now, I will resume my regularly scheduled medical chronology-ing.  Also. I’m going to the Aggie v. Baylor football game this weekend.  I haven’t been back to College stationin ages. Unfortunately the Aggies are terrible, but I think it’ll be fun!

Happy Weekend, grasshoppa.

 

Lots o’ pets…

So maybe you knew, and maybe you didn’t, but I recently acquired a new cat. Not that I’m replacing Henry. I’m not. He’s irreplaceable, of course. But Frank has proved to be an interesting acquisition. I haven’t had a kitten in so long I forgot how much they play. Anyways, here’s a picture of Sunday afternoon at my house.  This is also proof that cats and dogs CAN get along! (For at least 20 minutes!) Looks like pet heaven, right?

 

Sannnn Franciscooo

So I haven’t updated because I’ve had the Swine Cold. It’s like the Swine Flu, but not. So I took my Swine Cold germs to San Fran to see my good friend Rachel and her better half. I had a lot of fun, but alas, my digital camera is out of business. ATTENTION SANTA.

Anyways, they took me to the coolest bar. It’s called the Carnelian Room. Sadly, it’s closing on New Years Day- but it had the best view. Enter, camera phone. Not as good as my digital camera, but whatever.

Pretty View

See Alcatraz? See? See???

See the Golden Gate Bridge?? Cool huh?

I love California. Love Love Love it. I also love their wine. And my friend Rachel!

Watch it, Bob….

So my friend sent me this.  Some people are gross.

Goldfish ends up as food after fight over jewelry

A Pasadena woman angered when her former common-law husband took back jewelry he’d given her returned the gesture, police said, taking goldfish from his apartment —  then ate them.

The two had argued over jewelry he had given her but then took back, Pasadena Police Department spokesman Vance Mitchell said. When the man refused to return the jewelry, she took seven goldfish from his west Pasadena home in the 1100 block of Queens Road to her apartment, Mitchell said. The man called police.

Officers went to the woman’s home to see if they could retrieve the fish.

“She said, ‘They’re in there,’ and pointed to the kitchen,” Mitchell said.

Finding a plate with four fried fish, officers asked where the others were. The woman answered, “I already ate those,” Mitchell said.

Because the fish were bought when the couple lived together, they were considered community property, he said.

“There was nothing we could do,” Mitchell said. “If he wants to pursue it, it’s a civil case.”

Time

So it’s been a week and a half since Henry died, and to be honest I’m still really sad about it. I feel like talking about it to people makes me feel better, in a sense, because I get to share the memory of him with other people. At the same time, I’m sure some of my friends/co-workers are starting to wonder when “the weirdo girl is going to stop talking about her dead cat.”

I still blame myself. Everyday. The what if’s could go on and on forever. What if I hadn’t gone to SMF’s house everyday the week before he died to watch the US Open? What if I had been home with Henry instead? Would I have known he was sick? What if I had taken him to the vet the very morning I knew something was wrong, instead of waiting until lunch? What if I had just paid X amount of money, let the vet turn him into a girl (basically), and kept him alive? What if I had let them re-cath him one last time, to see if it would work? The truth is I’ll never know. I’ll never know if what I did or didn’t do had any affect on the outcome. And I know that most of you reading this are probably thinking, “Really Nutcase? It’s a cat. Run on down to the animal shelter and get yourself another one.” BUT HE WASN’T JUST A CAT TO ME DAMMIT!

He was my family. My makeshift, screwed up family that inhabits my 700 square foot apartment. My family that sheds, and steps on my face at 3am, and caterwauls at 5am when they want to be fed. They have become such an integral part of my life that Henry’s passing has been much more of a ‘perspective tragedy’ than one that I just can’t understand. The value of the people (and pets) in my life have taken on a whole new value since Henry died- meaning, I’ve put things in perspective.

I recently read an article on the internet about pets dying and feeling guilty about what you could have/would have/should have done to keep it from happening. The man said “the foundation of our relationships with our pets are based on forgiveness. They forgive you for not coming home and feeding them on time, for shooing them away off your lap, for not spending enough time with them. You forgive them for chewing up things, scratching the furniture, and doing things they shouldn’t. Therefore, we shouldn’t FEEL guilty for our pet’s death- instead we should know that they have forgiven us because they always have.”

I think about him everyday. Several times a day. I still watch his video everyday. And I hope, HOPE, that he has forgiven me. Unfortunately, it’s going to take more time before I can forgive myself.

Instead of “Dancing with the Boobs” I think I’ll call it “Dancing with the Moobs.”

Because I’m pretty sure I saw tons of man boobs last night on DWTB. And I haven’t finished watching it because I really really wanted to finish this book that I’ve been reading for the past month (lame) but I PROMISE to watch it soon. They had a man-only night last night, followed by the ladies tonight, and the kick-off show Wednesday. Thankfully church softball was cancelled so I can watch the ladies tonight! I’m sure SMF will be so excited. Not.

In other news- my dad and step mom went to the taping of the Letterman show yesterday. Way cool! I dvr’d that too- and I hope that I can see them. I want to go to a taping of Dancing with the Boobs. I bet I’d have to ‘know’ someone……and I don’t ‘know’ anyone. DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO CAN GET ME TICKETS???? PRETTY PLEASE?????????